A Laugh a day keeps the Doctor away

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's
wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
problem.


Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks
me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my
silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived
her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down
and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last
action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects
she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the
corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise
moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.

Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know
this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air w hen the sink and
cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked
me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there
are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there,
done-that"paramedics.


Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... ... and not
succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally
made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an
explanation out of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it
was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all a sked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?