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A Laugh a day keeps the Doctor away


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Author Topic: A Laugh a day keeps the Doctor away  (Read 6829 times)
donquixotenz
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STILL TILTING


« Reply #500 on: April 07, 2014, 11:42:26 am »

ROFLMAO 


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10202097627819853&set=vb.1162273260&type=2&theater
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.
donquixotenz
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Posts: 2335


STILL TILTING


« Reply #501 on: May 06, 2014, 08:13:15 pm »

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
   Roll Eyes
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.
donquixotenz
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Posts: 2335


STILL TILTING


« Reply #502 on: May 28, 2014, 09:11:05 pm »


 I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM WOOLWORTHS Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Woolworths. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.
Kiwithrottlejockey
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Having fun in the hills!


« Reply #503 on: June 13, 2014, 02:37:28 pm »



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If you aren't living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space! 
Kiwithrottlejockey
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Having fun in the hills!


« Reply #504 on: October 25, 2014, 04:59:41 pm »


Postman Pat's last day

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house, they presented him with fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold plated box.

The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year-old Scotch Whisky.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a blonde woman in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate sex he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from beneath the cup's bottom edge.

“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what is the five dollars for?”

“Well,” said the blonde lady, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”

He said, “Fuck him. Give him five bucks.”

She smiled prettily, “The breakfast was my idea.”

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If you aren't living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space! 
Kiwithrottlejockey
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Posts: 30097


Having fun in the hills!


« Reply #505 on: December 24, 2014, 08:01:18 pm »



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If you aren't living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space! 
Kiwithrottlejockey
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Having fun in the hills!


« Reply #506 on: April 18, 2015, 01:50:21 am »


TOUGH CROWD
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If you aren't living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space! 
Kiwithrottlejockey
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Posts: 30097


Having fun in the hills!


« Reply #507 on: March 02, 2016, 02:21:14 pm »


NATS' BOUNCY CASTLE COLLAPSE
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If you aren't living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space! 
Kiwithrottlejockey
Admin Staff
XNC2 GOD
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Posts: 30097


Having fun in the hills!


« Reply #508 on: March 02, 2019, 01:37:09 pm »



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If you aren't living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space! 

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