donquixotenz
Senator
Shit-Hot Member
Posts: 2335
STILL TILTING
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« Reply #50 on: February 26, 2009, 05:41:16 am » |
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Subject: Fw: Puns to make you cringe I love the Ghandi one!
>1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The >ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. > >2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve >you, but don't start anything." > >3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. > >4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. > >5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and >says: "A beer please, and one for the road." > >6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this >taste funny to you?" > >7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That >sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not >Unusual." > >8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to >Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe >you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. > >9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing >to look at either. > >10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. > >11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I >couldn't find any. > >12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, >"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you >can't - I've cut off your arms!" > >13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. > >14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. > >15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other >and says "Dam!". > >16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in >the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't >have your kayak and heat it too. > >17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were >standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. >After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them >to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he >said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." > >18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them >goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a >family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture >of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells >her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her >husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen >Ahmal." > >19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, >which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate >very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he >suffered from bad breath. >This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super >calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.
But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...
WOW, What a Ride!"
Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.
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