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A Laugh a day keeps the Doctor away

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Author Topic: A Laugh a day keeps the Doctor away  (Read 14137 times)
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donquixotenz
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Shit-Hot Member
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Posts: 2335


STILL TILTING


« Reply #50 on: February 26, 2009, 05:41:16 am »

Subject: Fw: Puns to make you cringe
I love the Ghandi one!



>1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
>ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
>2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
>you, but don't start anything."
>
>3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
>
>4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
>5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
>says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
>
>6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
>taste funny to you?"
>
>7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
>sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
>Unusual."
>
>8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
>Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
>you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
>9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
>to look at either.
>
>10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
>11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
>couldn't find any.
>
>12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
>"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
>can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>
>13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
>
>14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
>and says "Dam!".
>
>16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
>the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
>have your kayak and heat it too.
>
>17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
>standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
>After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
>to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he
>said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
>18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
>goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
>family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
>of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
>her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
>husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
>Ahmal."
>
>19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
>which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
>very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
>suffered from bad breath.
>This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super
>calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.

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