If the global crisis continues at the present greed-fuelled rate, by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational ...
the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank.
And don't you just know that when these two banks merge it would still be full of bloody wankers!
A blond city girl marries an Oklahoma rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he
gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blond, asks, "Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
... Chalk up one for the Blond ...
An American decided to write a book
about famous churches around the world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took
a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by
working his way across the USA from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church
taking photographs when he noticed a
golden telephone mounted on the wall
with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued,
asked a priest who was strolling by what
the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line
to heaven and that for $10,000 you could
talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and
went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta.
There, at a very large cathedral,
he saw the same golden telephone with the
same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind
of telephone he saw in Orlando and he
asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line
to heaven and that for $10,000 he
could talk to God.
'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then travelled all across America ,
Europe, England , Japan , New Zealand .
In every church he saw the same
golden telephone with the same
'$US10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, decided to travel to
Australia to see if Australians had the same phone.
He arrived in Australia and again, in the first church
he entered, there was the same golden
telephone, but this time the sign under
it read '40 cents per call.'
The American was surprised so
he asked the priest about the sign.
'Father, I've travelled all over the
world and I've seen this same golden
telephone in many churches. I'm told that it
is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them
price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?'
The priest smiled and answered,
'You're in Australia now, son - it's a local call'