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I am so angry and upset

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Author Topic: I am so angry and upset  (Read 652 times)
« on: April 03, 2010, 12:01:17 am »

I'm so angry it's hard to put it into words.

My mother's elderly best friend 'R' (in her 80's) had a nasty fall on Tuesday a couple of weeks ago and broke her hip. She was admitted to hospital. Mum and Dad went round to visit her as usual on Sunday morning. She wasn't there, but her daughter was. The daughter was non-communicative but Mum eventually found out that 'R' had broken her hip and was in hospital. The daughter hadn't bothered telling any of her friends. That was bad enough. What came next makes me .... I don't know what it makes me.

Mum asked after her 18 year old Burmese cat. The daughter said, "I had the cat put down. Mum doesn't know yet." Mum and Dad were speechless.

They went up to the hospital to visit 'R' but the daughter was there.

A few days later Mum went back up there and 'R' said she had received a sympathy card from the Vet. That's how she found out her precious wee cat was dead. The daughter arrived a short time later so Mum and 'R' couldn't talk.

Mum rang me today. She had been to visit 'R' and got her alone. She broke down sobbing and said she had been waiting to get Mum by herself. She was grief-stricken. She had asked her daughter to stay at her flat and look after her wee feline friend. The daughter decided to 'put the cat down' as she was a nuisance. 'R' has told Mum that she can't face going home as home is not home without her friend. They did everything together. They were 2 wonderful elderly ladies together.

I'm heart-broken. Some of you from the old XNC2 may be starting to put this picture together. This wonderful cat was one of my adoptions. At 13 years of age, the previous owner had taken her Burmese into my Vet Clinic to get her put down as she couldn't have her anymore (a long and sorry story that I won't go into but it wasn't fair). My wonderul wonderful Vet said she wouldn't put her down. Old age was not reason enough to put an animal down. She kept her at the Clinic for a few weeks and ran tests to check that she was healthy then put her photo on their notice board for re-homing. I just happened to go into the Clinic and saw her photo. I asked to meet her and fell in love on the spot. I already had 4 cats but thought of 'R'. Her last cat had died and she had been too sad to get another one. Three years had passed and I thought she would be the perfect mother for this Burmese. 'R' said yes, so I rang Mum and Dad and said, "Meet me in Palmerston North on Wednesday. Bring 'R' with you so she can collect her Burmese." When they met it was instant love and they have been together for 5 years. They have been inseparable - slept together, watched TV together, listened to music together. Each time I have visited, this lovely wee cat has given me plenty of cuddles. She was full of personality.

'R's' family knew how much they meant to each other. The younger daughter thanked me for bringing the 2 of them together (she's lovely). She could see how happy her mother was. The older daughter didn't think she should have a cat.

Sadly, when 'R' eventually does go home, I think she will just fade away and die. For a lot of elderly folk, it is their pets that keep them going.

What a callous f***ing bitch of a daughter she has.

Mum and Dad would have gone straight around and picked the wee cat up and taken her home with them if only the daughter had let them know 'R' was in hospital.

There are some things I can never forgive. This is one of them. Every time I visited, 'R' beamed when she talked about her little lady. They were perfect for each other.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2010, 12:06:21 am by Alicat » Report Spam   Logged

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« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2010, 12:23:56 pm »

I hope R's daughter believes in karma because it won't be such a shock when it arrives.   Elder abuse comes in many forms and I have nothing but loathing and contempt  for anyone who inflicts anguish and pain on an elder in any form.
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« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2010, 12:58:06 pm »

I hope R's daughter believes in karma because it won't be such a shock when it arrives.   Elder abuse comes in many forms and I have nothing but loathing and contempt  for anyone who inflicts anguish and pain on an elder in any form.

Elderly abuse IMHO

What a f...... bitch of a daughter.  That is sooooo wrong.

Not one thought for the comfort and wellbeing of her Mum.  I bet the cat gave Mum more love and comfort than this daughter ever did. 

Wonder what story she gave the vet who did the deed.  Shame he/she doesn't have the same ethics as the first one.

I hope said daughter doesn't have power of attorney. 
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"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2010, 12:02:29 am »

The daughter will have given some cock and bull story to the Vet. It wouldn't have been 'R's Vet cos she was besotted with the wee cat as was everyone else who met her - other than the wicked daughter.

I believe in karma. I also believe what goes round comes round.

I still feel sick to the stomach about what has happened.

If her younger daughter had been there, there is no way this would have happened.
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« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2010, 10:28:14 am »

What an evil, black hearted bitch. 

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« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2010, 10:33:25 pm »

I'm still haunted by the beautiful face of that darling wee cat. She trusted me totally from the moment she met me. The day I took her from the Vet Clinic in Wellington, put her in my car and drove her up to Palmerston North where she met her new Mum and my parents - she showed no sign of any fear or concern. I hugged and kissed her goodbye and handed her over to 'R.' She sat on 'R's knee all the way back to Hawkes Bay still showing no signs of being upset or worried. Once she arrived at her new home she walked around then came out and sat on 'R's knee again with a contented look on her face.

She was happy and she was loved. I felt responsible for her - I still do. I made her my responsibilty when I decided I was going to find a home for her. I couldn't have loved her more if she had been one of mine.

I'm grieving as are Mum and Dad - but poor 'R' is heart-broken.
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« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2010, 08:54:54 am »

I am a bit disgusted that the vet would put this animal to sleep without consulting the owner.     Does this mean I could take my neighbours cat to the vet, tell them she was in hospital and wanted the cat put to sleep.     The vet needs to address his/her code of conduct in my opinion.    I would be phoning them and telling them what I think of their business.
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« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2010, 09:45:12 am »


Oriental-type cats are long lived in general so 18 wasn't necessarily as old as it would be for a moggy.

It would be different if the cat was suffering or very unwell.

All of you know what I went through last year with Smudge, we only had her put to sleep when that was the only option left, when she wouldn't have survived further dental work and her kidneys were failing. I have little doubt that until the last week of her life that she was a fairly happy cat, if more than a bit senile.
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« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2010, 12:02:17 pm »

If the daughter has enduring power of attoney there's probably not much to be done about it, exept R to consider Public Trust as Executors if she shows no sign of confusions. I helped one old lady remove a daughter from running her affairs, the Public Trust sent one of their staff out to visit her, and make a new will.  

If R's daughter has NOT got EPA I would be visiting ALL vets in the neighbourhood and blowing fire brimstone garlic-breath and smoke in their faces, writing to Fair Go on R's behalf, and starting a thread on Trademe on General or Opinion pages into the bargain.  

TM has resident news reporters checking interesting subjects for their bread and butter.

Was there anything else missing from R's personl possessions? Sounds as if Daughter did not anticipate her mother's release from hospital

Bitch, NEway

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« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2010, 11:03:20 pm »

What it boils down to is that the daughter saw the wee cat as a nuisance. 'R' will not make a fuss as she is a kind hearted and lovely lady who won't want any ill-feeling in her family. She will just grieve by herself although she is likely to talk it over with her younger daughter who is really lovely.

I can only assume that the daughter gave some bullshit story to the Vet about the wee cat becoming frail. She apparently told Mum and Dad that she was vomiting. FFS - all cats vomit. They eat grass then puke on the carpet in comfort. For all we know the daughter may have even told the Vet that it was her Mother's wish to haev the cat put down.

The only person who knows what really happened is the bitch daughter.

I regret that I didn't make it clearer to the family that if anything happened to 'R' they should call Mum and Dad immediately and that we would look after the wee cat. I can't stop thinking about that.

Mum and Dad know absolutely that if and when something happens to them and they can't look after their 2 year old Burmese - she comes to live with me for how ever long she needs to stay. That means also that she will live with me permanently when Mum and Dad are no longer with us. Mitzi has holidays here with them at least 3-4 times a year. She is already part of this family.
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