donquixotenz
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Shit-Hot Member
Posts: 2335
STILL TILTING
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« on: September 03, 2013, 08:16:42 am » |
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AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE.
SHE HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED THROAT.
SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER MULE TO THE HITCHING RAIL. AS SHE STOOD THERE,
BRUSHING DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED
OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY
IN THE OTHER.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING,
"HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID,
"NO, I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID,
"WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING
AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOES BLOWN OFF –
STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER,
STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO
GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY
THROUGH THE DESERT AIR.
THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND
VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN
AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS,
AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MA'AM... BUT...
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO."
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE:
1 - Don't be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who you are dealing with.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.
But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...
WOW, What a Ride!"
Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.
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