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Dear Dogs and Cats


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Author Topic: Dear Dogs and Cats  (Read 658 times)
Lovelee
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« on: July 06, 2009, 05:37:23 pm »

 The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by Bernie Ecclestone and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

1: They live here. You don't.
2: If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-nature.
3: I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4: To you, they are animals; to me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1: eat less
2: don't ask for money all the time
3: are easier to train
4: normally come when called
5: never ask to drive the car
6: don't hang out with drug-using people
7: don't smoke or drink
8: don't want to wear your clothes
9: don't have to buy the latest fashions
10: don't need a gazillion dollars for college
11: if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

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Laughter is the best medicine, unless you've got a really nasty case of syphilis, in which case penicillin is your best bet.

ssweetpea
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« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2009, 06:54:58 pm »

Dear Sally Cat,

I would like to point out that when I give you a bone I place it on the mat next to your food dish or in the middle of the back yard for a reason.

This is not a signal to carry such bones back into the dining room.
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The way politicians run this country a small white cat should have no problem http://sally4mp.blogspot.com/
Lovelee
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« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2009, 07:09:37 pm »

LOL I had a dog years ago who would dig an imaginary hole in the carpet, put her bone shaped bikkie in the hole, and proceed to cover it up for later  Undecided  She had a look of utter amazement when I would pick it up  Roll Eyes
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Laughter is the best medicine, unless you've got a really nasty case of syphilis, in which case penicillin is your best bet.
Ferney
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« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2009, 07:28:47 pm »

Dear Raisin,
I do not appreciate wetas in the bedroom.   If you must, could you please wait until morning.
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Magoo
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« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2009, 10:31:21 pm »

Our dog takes his half chewed pigs ears and buries them under my pillow.   I have to remember to put the gate across the stairs when he gets his chicken necks otherwise I will find that buried under the pillow too.   Yum
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dragontamer
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« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2009, 05:09:39 pm »

One of the funniest sights I have seen with our dogs was when Flo was steadfastly digging a hole to bury her biscuit.  While thus occupied, she failed to keep one eye on Gus (AKA Hoover, The Vacuum, Guts) who did a 'driveby snatch and grab'.

She finished her hole, turned to pick up the biscuit.  Did a double take, search frantically in the supposed correct area, then started digging everywhere the soil had landed from the original hole - assuming, I suppose, that she had buried the biscuit accidentally.

She didn't half give Gus the eye when she apparently worked it out.  While Gus managed to keep his face looking innocent - he didn't let her get too close either.
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Alicat
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« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2009, 05:43:24 pm »

My parents used to have a lovely black and white fluffy cat called Floss. Floss was a super intelligent cat and had Dad absolutely sussed, sorted and dealt to. He liked to sit on Dad's chair but Dad would turf him off. Floss would wait until Dad looked comfortably settled on 'his' chair for the night, then go to the back door 'to be let out.' Dad would get out of his chair and go to open the back door. Floss would double back and claim 'their' chair. This happened regularly and Dad got sucked in regularly!

This of course was pre cat door days.

Another of Floss's tricks was attention seeking methods during the night when he wanted out. He would start with the wall paper in the hall. It was already a little tattered in the corner but he would rip bits off in the middle of the night. Most of the time it would work but occasionally Dad would ignore it. They had venetian blinds in thier bedroom. Dad had built a ramp up to the window for the cats. When the wall paper tearing didn't work, Floss would sit on the chest of drawers by the window and run his paw up and down the venetians making a hell of a racket until Dad would get up and let him out. After a short amount of time (just enough time to getback to sleep of course) there would be a knock on the window. Dad would get up and let Floss back in.

Floss was an excellent hunter. He was known to even catch 2 birds at once - great sight seeing him walking inside carrying 2 birds in his mouth! He was also an excellent mouser. Floss demanded respect and admiration for all of his catches no matter what time of day or night. One night, Floss had brough in 3 birds. Dad had to turn the light on and say, "Good boy Floss - aren't you clever." Floss would then 'dispose' of the birds. This particular night, Floss brought in a fourth bird. Dad ignored him. He though 'enough is enough.' In the morning when Dad woke up and stretched, pushing his hand under the pillow - he got a handful of bird innerds. Dad always acknowledged Floss after that - no matter how many catches in the middle of the night.
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Alicat
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« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2009, 05:54:40 pm »

One of the funniest sights I have seen with our dogs was when Flo was steadfastly digging a hole to bury her biscuit.  While thus occupied, she failed to keep one eye on Gus (AKA Hoover, The Vacuum, Guts) who did a 'driveby snatch and grab'.

She finished her hole, turned to pick up the biscuit.  Did a double take, search frantically in the supposed correct area, then started digging everywhere the soil had landed from the original hole - assuming, I suppose, that she had buried the biscuit accidentally.

She didn't half give Gus the eye when she apparently worked it out.  While Gus managed to keep his face looking innocent - he didn't let her get too close either.

That's when you need to be poised with a video camera at all times as a Pet Owner.
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ssweetpea
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« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2009, 06:55:58 pm »

We had a cat called Biscuit when I was a teen.

He learned to knock the front door. Bikky would grab the bottom corner of the door and yanking back and forth until it produced a sound just like a person knocking.

Many a visitor would be left standing puzzled at the door wondering why we would yell at the cat and not answer the door.
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The way politicians run this country a small white cat should have no problem http://sally4mp.blogspot.com/
TokGal
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« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2009, 10:59:19 am »

LOL I had a dog years ago who would dig an imaginary hole in the carpet, put her bone shaped bikkie in the hole, and proceed to cover it up for later 

Lol LL we had a Border Collie that used to do the same thing. only he used to bury his UNDER the rug in the kitchen.
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