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DOGGIE STYLE HUMOUR


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Author Topic: DOGGIE STYLE HUMOUR  (Read 578 times)
donquixotenz
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« on: May 18, 2009, 11:29:51 am »

I've got 2 dogs.
 
 I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Pak n Save the other day and was

 standing in line at the check-out.

 

 A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

 On impulse, I told  her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet  again,

 although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last

 time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with

 tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

 

 I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it

 works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or       

 two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so

 I was going to try it again.

 

 I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now

 enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

 

 Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition

 because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd

 been sitting in the middle of the road licking my d!ck and a car hit me.

 

 I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard

 as he staggered out the door.




Stupid b!tch...why else would I buy dog food.
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.

donquixotenz
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« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2009, 10:54:33 am »


Ten pet peeves dog's have with humans...

'1'
Blaming your farts on me..... not funny.... not funny at all !!!

--------------------------------
'2'
Yelling at me for barking.  I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!!!

--------------------------------
'3'
Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.   Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

--------------------------------
'4'
Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!

--------------------------------
'5'
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home!

--------------------------------------------
'6 '
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo, what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

--------------------------------
'7'
Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip',then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

--------------------------------
'8'
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.   Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

---------------------------------------
'9 '
Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
---------------------------------------
'10'
How you act disgusted when I lick   myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

--------------------------------
Now lay off me on some of these things.  We both know who's boss here!  You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.
Shef
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« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2009, 05:58:09 pm »

 Grin
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Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
ssweetpea
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WWW
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2009, 10:52:03 pm »

<img title="funny-pictures-cat-roasts-by-fire" src="[url]http://icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com/files/2009/12/funny-pictures-cat-roasts-by-fire.jpg" alt="funny pictures of cats with captions" />[/url]
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

one of these days I'll figure out how to post these without having to save to the hard drive and up load to photobucket or getting that messy looking link
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The way politicians run this country a small white cat should have no problem http://sally4mp.blogspot.com/
donquixotenz
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« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2013, 10:40:48 am »

« Last Edit: April 10, 2013, 10:47:23 am by donquixotenz » Report Spam   Logged

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.
donquixotenz
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Shit-Hot Member
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Posts: 2335


STILL TILTING


« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2013, 10:02:12 am »

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151557187650067&set=vb.562965066&type=2&theater
Report Spam   Logged

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

WOW, What a Ride!"

Please note: IMHO and e&oe apply to all my posts.

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