How friendly are you with YOUR neighbours?

[guest49]

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/blog/editors_corner/article/26357/

This is a f***ing good story!

[Shef]

Certainly not THAT close

[dragontamer]

Nope - definitely not that close. lol

[Magoo]

  You have to admit he really threw himself into his work.

[ssweetpea]

They should have gotten a sperm count done first.

[Im2Sexy4MyPants]

what a good lark did they have a phone number 

[Magoo]

 

How friendly are you with YOUR neighbours?

If you saw my neighbours you wouldn't bother asking.

[beaker]

Back in WWII my grandfather because of his profession - wasn't required to go over to Europe to fight.  He would regularly go and visit his mate's (who was in the war) wife for cups of tea.

About 10 years ago, dad introduced me to a guy who dad said at the time they "used to play together as kids".  Dad told me about how grandad was asked by his mate to keep an eye on the wife.  A couple of years later dad rings to me up and asks me if I remember being introduced to this guy - which I did.  "Well I just found out he's actually your uncle" says my dad.

I'm not sure what grandad considered cups of tea to consist of, but it resulted in an extra son and daughter that weren't grandma's!.  We always thought gran was a bit insane for being convinced that pop was having affairs up until the time he died (aged 80), now we wonder if she was actually right.......

[Magoo]

   Never doubt the word of a grandmother.  They know everything.

[Kiwithrottlejockey]

from The Dominion Post....

Have we forgotten how to be neighbours?

View-blocking fences, bodies undiscovered for months. How did it come to this?

By NIKKI MACDONALD | 8:55AM - Saturday, 05 March 2016


These Paparangi neighbours swap garden goodies, babysit pets and children and were able to navigate
conflict by already having a good neighbourly relationship. From left: Alex Masterton, 14,
Trish Knight, Grace Masterton, 17, James Martin-Bond, Rowan, 6, Karen and Calum, 9
with Margaret and Peter Penhall and Pipi the foxy. — Photo: Ross Giblin/Fairfax NZ.

THE first thing Barbara McCulloch does when called to mediate neighbourhood warfare is to talk to all sides separately. It's safer that way.

So she turns up at this very, very well-heeled, harbour-view street. Only they don't all have harbour views any more.

Some people have trees and views. Others just have views of trees. These people were friends, once. Now they're talking lawyers and court.

That's when they're talking at all, which isn't most of the time.

McCulloch stands before the house she's been invited to. There is no obvious way in. She sheds her shoes and scales a fence.

The home owners are mortified. Not that she had to break in, more that she — a 50-year-old unshod woman — has breached their fortress security.

It's an evocative illustration of modern neighbourliness. We're walling ourselves into little prisons, commentators say. It's safe inside, to be sure. But when there's trouble on the boundary we roll out the razor wire instead of just sorting things out.

“I think a lot of people rely on their rights and they're quite staunch about them,” McCulloch says.

“Maybe in days gone by you would have knocked on your neighbour's house and said ‘We're thinking about putting up a fence — we'd like to get a dog. What do you reckon and where should we put it and how should we pay for it?’ That doesn't happen now. People get lawyers to write letters to their neighbours and leave it in the letter box where they quote the Fencing Act.”


Lower Hutt cat Sonny the birman was
poisoned by a neighbour who was
annoyed at it pooing on his lawn.

THE BAD

The harbour view street in question is in Auckland, but it could be anywhere. Neighbourhood spats don't discriminate. McCulloch has done working class, middle class, upper class.

By the time they get to her, they haven't talked for ages, probably years. Issues that seem laughably minor consume lives. Stress makes sleep impossible. Some take medication to dampen the anxiety.

“Whatever conflict resolution skills they used to have, they've forgotten or they've lost sight of. It seems too big and it feels like it could be too dangerous. Possibly because we don't know our neighbours so much now.”

The disputes generally fall into five broad categories — fences, noise, shared driveways, views and trees. And they are far from rare. Citizens Advice Bureaus around the country last year dealt with 5,257 neighbourhood issues, of which 2,073 related to fences and boundaries.

“When it comes to boundary fences and people's properties, emotions can run pretty high,” says Wellington CAB manager Nicki McLeod. While the Fencing Act talks about sharing fencing costs, that doesn't mean you can simply build your fence of choice and then bill the neighbour.

The CAB helps people take fence squabbles to the Disputes Tribunal, but many could be avoided if neighbours agreed fence details — height, composition, cost — before starting work. But that requires talking.


The notorious view-blocking Roseneath fence, in the process of being removed to reveal the view,
after a $500,000 court battle. — Photo: Cameron Burnell/Fairfax NZ.

Which brings us back to those little prisons. Last year's Sovereign Wellness Index found only 4 percent of Kiwis strongly agreed they felt close to people in their local area, ranking us last of 30 nations.

As Wellington City Council neighbourhood development co-ordinator Angela Rampton puts it, we've “lost the bumping spaces”. In her new subdivision, she can click the automatic garage opener, drive in and enter her house without having to face another soul.

“People used to walk children to school, you bumped into people. You walked to the local butcher, the local library and bumped into people. Now we can shut ourselves off more.”

Which means unless you've made a conscious effort, the first time you interact with your neighbours might be when a problem arises.

Animal Control Officers national president Les Dalton says that changes the way people deal with conflicts. Instead of popping next door to say, “Hey, I'm not sure if you're aware but while you were away your dog was really going to town” they call him, or send a beguilingly anonymous email complaint.

“So we come in cold and say we've received a complaint that your dog's barking. I'm not allowed to say who it is, but people guess and it causes animosity straight away.”

And yes, there are vexatious complaints — neighbours getting back at each other for building the fence too high, or refusing to fell a tree, Dalton says. The Dog Control Act requires nuisance barking or howling to be persistent and complaints have to be substantiated, so vindictive complainants get dismissed pretty quickly.

In his 41 years on the job, lifestyles have changed hugely. Couples both work so dogs — increasingly small, yappy dogs — are home alone with no stimulation. That can usually be worked through with bigger bones, buzz collars or boredom-breaking walks, but about seven or eight times a year they call for the dog to be removed.

“Most Kiwis are getting on fairly well and, in times of hardship, I'm sure you've still got that. But it's definitely deteriorated.”


Greymouth couple Edgar Rochwalski and Janice Lee were fined $500 for playing classical music
too loud in their garage, after neighbours complained. — Photo: Joanne Carroll/Fairfax NZ.

Wellington City Council noise control manager Matthew Borich says noise complaints spiked with the growth in inner-city living, but have levelled off at about 6,000 a year. Noise gripes tend to be situational rather than symptomatic of ongoing feuds. About 80 percent stem from loud stereos and parties and half are on Friday and Saturday nights. They do get neighbours at odds, but usually with good reason.

We're not less tolerant, we're just living closer together, Borich says. Flash points include apartment blocks with mixed ages and established homes surrounded by rowdy students.

The catch is that the noise standard is subjective — the test is whether it's unreasonable to the complainant. That was aptly illustrated by the $500 fine imposed on a Greymouth couple for playing Concert Radio too loud.

THE GOOD

Calum and Rowan Martin-Bond bound up with a bag each of cherry tomatoes. There's one for Trish Knight, who lives on the corner. The other is for Peter and Margaret Penhall, whose deck overlooks the Martin-Bonds' back yard.

The football-mad duo, aged 9 and 6 respectively, look as if they could spark neighbourly discontent. Margaret is older, well-groomed, sporting lippy and pearls. The boys are obsessed with the Penhalls' foxy Pipi and it's just a quick hop from the compost bins over the high fence into the Penhalls' place.

But there's no growling about breached security. It's a bit of a rite of passage, Margaret laughs. At first, they had to help lift Rowan over. Now he can manage himself. But they always ring to check it's okay. And when Rowan says he's hungry, Margaret offers juice and biscuits.

The Penhalls have been in this Paparangi neighbourhood for 38 years. When they arrived, horses grazed across the road. Now there's a mansion with fortress fence to match.

Trish's back steps abut the Penhalls' driveway. No-one ever got around to putting in a fence and they decided none was needed, Peter says. He's scoping out Trish's strawberries — there were some ripe ones last time he watered when Trish was away. He also feeds Trish's cat. Trish says they have a bromance.


The Paparangi good neighbours hang out in Trish Knight's kitchen. It's telling, says Karen Martin-Bond,
that they all chose to extend their houses rather than move. — Photo: Ross Giblin/Fairfax NZ.

Trish has been here nine years with her two kids, Grace, 17 and Alex, 14; James and Karen Martin-Bond have been here since 2000. As soon as they arrived they invited the neighbours around and they've done Christmas afternoon teas ever since.

“I think that's what's lovely here,” Karen says. “We're all at different stages of our lives. We all moved in at different times. We've all got different stories.”

In the years since, they've swapped veges, collected each other's mail, fed pets, helped move furniture, let in locked-out kids and enjoyed Tool Time fence chats. The Penhalls even had Trish's Italian student to stay for two nights last year when she had to go away for work. Not because Margaret was enthusiastic about the idea, but because that's what you do for neighbours. And when the branch of Trish's apple tree overhanging the Martin-Bonds' driveway was groaning with fruit, they bagged it up for Trish. They knew the rules — overhanging fruit still belongs to the tree owner. She didn't want it, so Karen made a fat apple pie.

They've also negotiated conflict. The Martin-Bonds were the first to extend, building on an extra storey. They didn't need permission, but talked to the neighbours out of courtesy. Trish gave James a grilling — she lost the view from Grace's room. But then she felt mean, and got over it. The conciliatory wine helped.

“We already had pretty good relationships,” Karen says. “I think that was significant. It would have been difficult if people had just moved in and we'd launched that. There was the recognition that, although we didn't need anyone's permission, that wasn't relevant. It was just consideration for your neighbours.”

That's a point Angela Rampton emphasises.

“If you've got that pre-existing base relationship where you know your neighbours enough to say 'Hi', it's going to make things a lot easier if something bigger happens.”


More good neighbours: Ossie and Jenny Fountain look over their back fence at Arabella Waugh and
Seth Butler — both four years of age — of Tui Park Kindergarten. — Diego Opatowski/Fairfax NZ.

Not everyone wants to be best mates with their neighbours. However, after a string of people dying in such isolation that their body was not found for months, the council is pushing for people to at least acknowledge neighbours with a smile and a wave. A project last year showed neighbours bonded over pets, children, fire alarms and shared food, Rampton says.

“It turned out to be the little things people were doing for each other. If somebody was moving into a flat on a hot day, the neighbour they'd never met appearing with cold drinks. Little things add up to be big things.”

While neighbourly relationships might not seem that important, they can shape how you live your life, says Otago University public health researcher Dr Vivienne Ivory.

“A neighbourhood as a social network can be really good at times of crises. Both individual crises — if you're physically unwell, do you have someone to look out for you. Also at times of disasters. That was clearly played out in Christchurch.”

Research shows that ninety percent of people rescued in disasters are saved by their neighbours. Just this week, neighbours came to the rescue of a stabbed Auckland liquor store owner, helping the victim and scaring off the offenders.


Roseneath homeowner Peter Aitchison was walled in by a neighbour's decidedly unneighbourly fence.
 — Photo: Maarten Holl/Fairfax NZ.

THE DOWNRIGHT UGLY

But how do you get from a grumpy fence stoush to $500,000 court cases, poisoning the neighbour's cat or the extraordinary Tolaga Bay murder of a neighbour over a pooing puppy?

Arbitrators and Mediators Institute executive director, Deborah Hart, says we're not very good at being politely direct, so small issues spiral into mammoth ones. Mediators have a saying: “The issue isn't the issue”.

“On the face of it, it's about a fence. Good mediators will drill down and find out what really is going on behind it. Often there's something else. They were playing the stereo too loud and it really angered the other neighbour. Or one neighbour is forever leaving the car parked over the other neighbour's drive. They're using another mechanism to show their anger about it.”

Fear of the other also amplifies arguments, Barbara McCulloch says. One dispute she mediated was between long-time Pakeha residents worried about the influx of diverse immigrants. They were bringing down the street's tone, by hanging washing in their front yard instead of the back, because that's where it was sunny.

In another, a man waited until his neighbours went away before butchering their tree because it annoyed him. McCulloch asked if he would key a pink cadillac owned by a neighbour because the colour offended him. “Of course not,” he said, “that would be damaging someone else's property.”

“A lot of people lack the skill of conflict resolution,” McCulloch says. “When you are in something that feels like it could explode into quite high levels of conflict, most people back off and rely on what they believe are their rights and they get lawyers to write letters to their neighbours.”

“So the ordinary, everyday skills of just sorting things out don't exist any more.”

“If you just think about this as competing rights, you're always going to be in conflict.”

__________________________________________________________________________

Read more on this topic:

 • View-blocking Roseneath fence couple get their lives back

 • Auckland neighbours at war over giant religious statue

 • Napier neighbours at war leave court without convictions

 • Armed feud reignited outside court

 • Bittersweet symphony for couple in garage band battle

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/news/77311040


Related thread @ XNC2:

• Neighbours at War

[Alicat]

Lower Hutt cat Sonny the birman was
poisoned by a neighbour who was
annoyed at it pooing on his lawn.

This 'neighbour'  just happens to be the neighbour of a close friend of mine. The 'cat'  poo was way too big to be cat poo. The nieghbour was a Doctor so should have known better.

He is a complete and utter f***ing ass-wipe.

[Alicat]

Lower Hutt cat Sonny the birman was
poisoned by a neighbour who was
annoyed at it pooing on his lawn.

This 'neighbour'  just happens to be the neighbour of a close friend of mine. The 'cat'  poo was way too big to be cat poo. The nieghbour was a Doctor so should have known better.

He is a complete and utter f***ing ass-wipe.

He fed the poor wee cat anti-freeze.

A fitting punishment would be him being given anti-freeze.

Did I mention that I think he's an ass-wipe?

[Calliope]

We has frsh fish for tea - The neighbour had been out fishing and gave us some beautiful fillets of snapper for our tea. Now that IS neighbourly

[Alicat]

We has frsh fish for tea - The neighbour had been out fishing and gave us some beautiful fillets of snapper for our tea. Now that IS neighbourly

I like your neighbour

[Alicat]

When I lived in Newlands, both my flatmate and I were shift workers. Our neighbour and his wife were semi-retired. He had also worked shift work although not night shift. He would always check to see if the front bedroom curtains were open before he'd mow his lawn or get the weed-eater going. He also later told us that when we were on late shift, he couldn't go to sleep until he knew we were safely home. There was a hedge between the two houses and when he trimmed the hedge on his side, he'd always come over and sort our side as well.

[Molly]

The best I can manage is hello, a smile, a friendly wave, and a very quick conversation about the weather over the fence, and if you want to stay a friendly neighbour with me, don't expect any more than that.           I have memories of days gone by when a particular neighbour would drop in at any hour and stay dam near all day, invite herself shopping with me, even sat through us eating dinner one night.     

[Alicat]

The best I can manage is hello, a smile, a friendly wave, and a very quick conversation about the weather over the fence, and if you want to stay a friendly neighbour with me, don't expect any more than that.           I have memories of days gone by when a particular neighbour would drop in at any hour and stay dam near all day, invite herself shopping with me, even sat through us eating dinner one night.     

Been there - a lot of years ago though.

I have a lovely neighbour where I am. She's 87 and absolutely gorgeous. - very independent and very with it. The cats like her too.

[Alicat]

My parents had a wonderful neighbour for almost 50 years. We were kids when we first got to know Grace. Grace was a Scot and a real livewire. We were both back sections and our houses were side by side. They each had keys to each others houses and if one household were late getting home (as in darkness), the other would go over and close curtains and blinds and feed and curfew the cats. Grace had no kids of her own and eventually all of her long distant family died. For as long as I can remember, Grace was/is part of our family. She even had the same surname - lol.

That said, there was no invading each others lives and homes and it was a fantastic neighbour relationship that lasted until Mum and Dad died. Poor Grace became very depressed and lonely after that.  She has some wonderful friends, but the relationship she had with Mum and Dad really was great. They all knew that each was there for the other.

[guest49]

What happened to the cat poisoner?  [I take it he wasn't made to drink glycol]

[Alicat]

What happened to the cat poisoner?  [I take it he wasn't made to drink glycol]

He was found guilty in Lower Hutt Court earlier this year but I haven't heard what sentence he got. Whatever the sentence, it will not be enough for what he did.

[Alicat]

Update from 4 March 2016 ....

A Lower Hutt judge has ordered a brief reprieve for a shamed former doctor now caught poisoning his neighbour's cat.

Avalon resident Dennis Wong, 67, was meant to appear in the Hutt Valley District Court on March 2 but instead had his sentencing adjourned until April 6.

Sonny the seal point Birman, died aged 2, from Avalon.
SUPPLIED
Sonny the seal point Birman, died aged 2, from Avalon.

Wong was found guilty of poisoning Sonny the seal point Birman by enticing him to eat mince laced with anti-freeze poison outside his home.

Sonny suffered kidney failure and had to be euthanised in May last year.

Wong previously hit headlines in 2012 after The Health Practitioners Disciplinary Tribunal found him guilty of malpractice because between 2000 and 2010 he irresponsibly prescribed drugs in high doses to a known addict.

Wong prescribed the sedative halcion and weight loss drug duromine to the patient, even though medical practitioners were barred from prescribing to her as she was subject to a restriction notice under the Misuse of Drugs Act.

He was ordered to pay nearly $40,000 in fines and costs.

READ MORE: Stokes Valley doctor guilty of malpractice

Wong is now retired, and the NZ Medical Council confirmed he is no longer a registered doctor.

Wong told Fairfax Media his malpractice case "was years ago" and he did not feel it was still relevant.

He declined further comment.

At a judge-alone trial in December, the court heard how Wong had become involved in an ongoing dispute with his neighbours over their cat pooing on his lawn.

In a police evidence video, Wong told a constable he had tried to drive away his unwanted visitors with chili powder, sticking plastic bags into the lawn to rustle, and even urinating on the grass himself to mark his territory.

"They're big cats. They do poos about the size of human faeces. Sometimes you would get three lots in one night," he told the court.

"In summer time [there's an] incredible smell all over the house. It attracted a lot of flies.

"It kills my lawn, my grass. We've got these patches where the faeces has killed all the grass, and when I come to mow the lawn..."

Wong denied a charge of willfully ill-treating the animal – laid under the Animal Welfare Act – and claimed he only meant to deter Sonny.

The charge carries a maximum five year prison sentence or a $100,000 fine.

Judge Peter Butler ruled that circumstantial evidence pointed to Wong's guilt, including that he had made threats toward the cat, admitted lacing mince with a different poison in the past, and that a witness – but not police – had found anti-freeze on his property.

READ MORE: Hutt man guilty of poisoning neighbour's cat

One of the cat's owners, Sophie Pugsley, described at the time her family's beloved Birman as "like a little human, bloody adorable".

Pugsley said Sonny used a litterbox when he was inside.

"We all work full-time so during the day the cats were usually outside. I'm sure they didn't always go toilet on [Wong's] lawn.

"I used to empty their litterboxes and I can assure you they were not that of the size of human faeces – regardless it's no excuse to murder an animal."

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/77453464/brief-reprieve-for-shamed-former-hutt-doctor-now-caught-poisioning-neighbours-cat


Being somewhat of an expert in cat faeces I have never ever seen a poo even remotely the size of a human turd. Wong was a bloody doctor for goodness sake. One can only guess that he failed the gastroenterology component of his medical degree? Anyway - cats tend not to poo on the lawn. If anything, some cats will poo in the garden and not cover it, but not on the lawn. Wong goes on to say that sometimes there were three separate lots of poo in a day left on his lawn. Come on - how much crap does he think one cat could store up in a day? If the poo was that large, maybe it was a large dog - although there aren't any dogs hanging around in that small cul de sac, OR, Wong has a human offender who doesn't like him?

The fact is though that what Wong did was very very wrong and very very cruel.

[guest49]

I found its never good when a matter keeps getting deferred, I would expect a slap on the hand.  Certainly nowhere near $40,000 fine

[Alicat]

I found its never good when a matter keeps getting deferred, I would expect a slap on the hand.  Certainly nowhere near $40,000 fine

Nothing will be enough for Sonny's family. He was a much loved family member - and a beautiful cat.

I have no idea what I would do to anyone who did anything to my babies. Rottweiler with lipstick would not come anywhere near what I think I would be capable of.