The ANTICHRIST…

[Kiwithrottlejockey]

BREAKING: Donald Trump NOT the antichrist, biblical scholars confirm…

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist | 10:46AM PST - Wednesday, February 24, 2016


LEFT: Sure the New York Daily News really WANTS Trump to be the antichrist, but he's just too dumb. | RIGHT: Note: Not a bromance.
Well, sort of. Trump is nowhere smart or diabolical enough to be the dude with the horns, scholars say.

AND THUS IT WAS WRITTEN: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

You know… AT A TIME.

One antichrist, that is. One bringer of darkness, one harbinger of doom, one bleak and snarling herald of all that is cruel and puffy and white and rich and male and (usually) pretty old and very, very scared, and therefore openly hostile to all you hold dear and even most things you don't.

Are you listening closely? Have you been hearing “Donald Trump is the antichrist!” yowling across the heavens and howled from the mouths of anxious babes, stupefied intelligentsia and panicky media-types alike?

I say unto you: Not so much. A racist, a bigot, a clever and astonishingly offensive media-savvy blowhard playing on the fears of uneducated minions? No question. King of the trolls? Doubtless. But pure, concentrated evil? Not even close.


The antichrist ALWAYS gets the coolest fonts. Like Bleeding Cowboys! A bit overused, but still.

Understand this now: No one worth his/her Beelzebub fan page is going all in and proclaiming Trump to be truly biblically wicked, the stuff of primeval plagues and screaming locusts (except for maybe the New York Daily News), despite how the man clearly represents the ugliest, the meanest, the most megalomaniacal tendencies of the (angry rich paranoid white male) human animal.

And do you know why he's not been thusly deemed? That's easy. Because it's a lie. A ruse.

All pomp and hyperbole aside, biblical scholars now concede that Mr. Trump is not even remotely qualified to assume the true mantle of the Lord of Darkness.

He simply doesn't have the chops, they say. He's a faker. A hack. A poseur. A slapdash hotpot spitbucket of bile-laden hatefrothery merely masquerading as epic, Bible-grade terribleness of the type that makes clouds tremble and babies explode. I'm just paraphrasing.





The antichrist ALWAYS gets the coolest fonts.

It makes perfect sense, no? Everyone, even his most devout, terrified followers, recognize that Trump is but a caricature of a true abomination, a gassy wannabe in an expensive suit. He's not genuinely insane, not diabolically pitiless — he's nowhere near smart enough for that. Trump is merely America's vulgar, loudmouthed uncle who keeps tricking the country into pulling his finger. Over and over again.

So if Trump is too fake, too dumb, too vacuous to be a figure of true, authentic evil, if he's merely the devil's used car salesman, the court jester in the kingdom of real vileness, then who, pray tell, owns the kingdom itself? Who's the One Dark Lord who still reigns supreme, who lives on to this very day, who still makes occasional sympathetic grunts about war and torture and death on Fox News and in so doing wilts all flowers in a 1,000-mile radius?

Of course you know who it is. And biblical scholars agree; after all, there can be only one antichrist in America at a time. And no one — not you, not the New York Daily News, not the Pope, not Donald Trump, not the gods of all that is beautiful and good in the world — can force Dick Cheney off that throne before he's damn good and ready.


I mean, obviously, right?

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http://blog.sfgate.com/morford/2016/02/24/donald-trump-not-the-antichrist