Xtra News Community 2

Last night MrLs daughter (40) comes in, natter natter natter, then she looks at me and says - I put something in your fridge (something inside me knew what was coming next) - she looks at her Dad and says - I was pregnant - I had a miscarriage.  He looks at me, I look at him, then her.  Shes standing in front of us, and by now shes come to terms with it and is OK) - so shes giggling.  No one has said anything.  I look at him again, and hes looking at me, both of us have expressionless faces.  We look back at her again and shes still giggling.

Then she says OK I better go and do .. natter natter natter, she goes to Dad and gives him a hug and a kiss, comes to me and we had a long strong hug.  No one has spoken - OK?  Neither he nor I have uttered a word.

Then as she is leaving our hug, I said to her - we will talk later about contraception, obviously theres something you missed!!!  And tell Matt he must have had his ears turned off - hes in for a lesson too.  She laughed - I think she thought I was joking.

Now truly - I still dont know what to think - Mr and I have talked about it and he shocked and frightened that she is trying.

Whats your thoughts??

There already is a 10 yr old, 16 yr old and a 18 yr old.

I help run a music program for pre-schoolers. Many of the mother's bringing along their littlies are close to my age. One is an old school friend of mine bringing along her first child who is 18 months old. She, like me is 40. A couple of other women around the same age also have a toddler and 2 or 3 teenagers.

It is not that uncommon these days for women to be having children at 40 be it their first, fourth or the first with a hubby number 2.

I am not saying that it is a good idea, the risks of things going wrong are certainly higher for both mother and baby, but it isn't new either.

My grandmother was 42 when my mother was born and one of my uncles was born 2 years later.

Hmm well me and he decided I should just go right ahead and ask her.  So when she came over last night I said - u dont really wanna be 60 with a 20 yr old do you??  She mumbled - I said do I take that as a yes - she said yes  :o

So I said to Mr lets just rest in the fact that maybe at her age it wont happen.

But I'll keep working on her.

The thing is shes in the 3rd year of study and getting to that time in life where your life i beginning to be yours again.  ;)

At 40, my youngest was 11. There is no way on this earth I would even had dreamt about another baby!! Good god, just the THOUGHT of 2am feeds, shitty nappies, broken sleep.....................

Not to mention being tied down again for X number of years, having to find a sitter if we wanted to go out, not being able to do things on the spur of the moment :o

What did she put in your fridge?

I havent looked - oo sorry - she put 'something' in the freezer.

I imagine its the 'miscarriage' - I dont even wanna get anything out of the freezer  :-\

It will be buried at the whanau urupa.

I simply asked myself was being a live mum of 3 more important than being a dead mum of 4 or 5 (multiples increase as you get older).

Answer was easy really.

If it happens to me it definately won't be planned and with my poor fertility it would be a hell of a shock to boot.

I look at it this way. I did without an OE or further education because I wanted to have a family while still young. If it happened as planned I would have a 17 year old by now and my youngest would be nearly out of primary school, not halfway through. In my case if I had left it late I would have been unlikely to have any kids.

I love pre-schoolers but if I want one around I will get a job looking after somebody elses. I don't want to start again and go through another 10+ years with not enough money, time, energy or health.